It Has Been A Week of Downs - Seasonal Affect Disorder

Lately, I have been walloped by Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD). It started earlier this week and slammed me like a freight train. All at once, I was experiencing depression, self doubt, isolated feelings, and insecurity.  Yes, I have suffered from this for many years. Honestly, I do not remember not being effected.

This year it was different. This year it all hit me in one day! Thought I was just having a bad day. I sat in my car on my lunch break shaking and in the midst of a panic attack. No reason. Anyone who has an anxiety disorder understands there is no need for a reason.  The the "all I want to do is go to bed" feeling. At 2 O'Clock in the afternoon no less! And finally, the crying jag. What????? What is wrong with me?

I thought I was getting a cold, my migraine was bad that day, you know reasoning it away. Something WAS wrong, pain and getting sick. Nope, two days later, the feeling is still here. And I feel lonely. I am missing hubby more than usual. It is no new thing working shifts that makes seeing each other almost impossible. We have dealt with it our whole relationship. But damn I really miss that man!

I already take Paxil for anxiety. For the past year, I have taking half a dose in the morning and half at night. And it has worked beautifully. I take 2000iu of Vitamin D.  As of tomorrow, I am using UV Spectrum lights, upping my Vitamin D, and taking a full dose of my Paxil in the morning!  I will give these changes a month. If I do not feel much stronger, I will discuss with my doctor.

Some people may say, turn yourself around. Others, don't let things bother you. And still more may look at me like I am weak and displaying a weakness.  To that my reply is fuck you! I am stronger than you could ever imagine! I wake up every day and do what needs to be done no matter what.

I have survived molestation and come out stronger! I have Asperger's and believe it has given me it's best. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and persevere. I have a migraine every fucking day; and have for 16 years and I have Fibromyalgia. AND I GET THINGS DONE! And I am a giving, loving, selfless person- IN SPITE of all of this.

Do not ever think I am weak. Not for one second.  This is illness, just like everything else. And guess what? I will STILL do what needs to be done and do it damn well!

I just want to get this out there, no stigmas, no judgments.

My Second Botox Treatment For Chronic Migraine

Two weeks ago I received my second Botox treatment for my chronic migraine. Again, I received 31 injections in my head, neck, and shoulders. This time I had a major migraine when I walked in the office.

I already knew from my first round of injections that the treatment, ironically enough, will cause a migraine. I did not know just how bad it would be this time, already having one.  I could barely function that day.

Now, I am sure the big question is "How's it working?". As it has only been two weeks, this is difficult to say with certainty. That said, I have had a couple of days where I have needed less of my pain meds. More surprisingly, to me, is there have been several days where I did not need a pain pill upon waking!!! I have needed to take a pain pill within an hour (more often than not a half hour) upon waking, every single day for over ten years!!!!

I am hopeful, but afraid to have too much hope.  Those who live with chronic pan will totally understand where this fear of hope comes from.

For now, I am keeping my fingers crossed!

For more information on my Botox treatments, check out my first post.

I Made Yogurt- In A Crockpot- And It's Delicious

I have been dying to try my hand at making yogurt forever!  At first, I worried about the safety factor.  But, the more research I did and read about people who have made their own for years, the less of a worry it became.

Last night I decided to go for it. I am so glad I did!  I may never buy store bought yogurt again.  Not only was it tasty, but it was relatively easy.

I used ideas from many different recipes that I found on Pinterest. You can click on the word Pinterest in the previous sentence to see some I looked at.  I knew I wanted to try the crockpot method, so mostly that is what I looked up.

Some recipes rely on timing and senses. I wanted to rely on temperature to be extra safe.

Here are the materials you will need:

• 
  
• 1/2 gallon whole milk
• 1/2 c powdered milk
• Cooking thermometer
• Crockpot
• 1/2 c store bought plain yogurt w/ live active cultures
• Something for stirring
• Large Towel

Here's what I did:

1. Pour milk into the crockpot
2. Add dry milk and give it a stir
3. Leave on until milk temperature reaches 180 degrees (about 1.5h on high, but could vary widely depending on your crockpot, so please use a thermometer
4. When that temperature is achieved, turn off the crockpot. Remove the pan part from the heating element and take the lid off.
5. Give a stir to mix throughout. 
6. Let the mixture decline in temp to 115 degrees (no worries if it gets as low as 100). Stir occasionally.
7. When this temperature is achieved, take out a cup or so (no need to actually measure) of the milk and pour into a small bowl with the store bought yogurt (Make sure it has live, active cultures- the carton will say it on it!).  Mix together and pour back into the crockpot.
8. Now cover the crockpot again, wrap with large towel and place in oven without turning it on! 
9. Let it sit there for 8-12 hrs
10. Viola yogurt!

At this point, the yogurt should have a texture similar to the picture above.  To make a thicker yogurt (Greek style), place cheesecloth (coffee filters, paper towels, or napkins can do the trick as well) in a strainer with a bowl underneath.  You are filtering out the whey. Many people use the whey in place of water or milk in baked goods as it is very good for you.

There you have it!

Spoon this into small Rubbermaid type containers, mason jars, or what you have handy.  Be sure to take out 1/2 a cup to use as your starter for your next batch!

Flavor as you like.  Right now I am eating mine with fresh pineapple and a honey drizzle- YUM!

I Just Bought An Aquazinger From Zing Anything!

I am a Pinterest addict! And for months I have been seeing all kinds of pins featuring fruit infused water recipes.  Intrigued, yes? But have I MADE any? Nope not one single recipe!

Now I know the benefits and all that jazz. And I agree. It is a great way to encourage yourself to drink more water while adding some additional benefit of the fruit. All I could imagine is how, well, watered-down it would taste. I just do not do too well with that "essence" of a fruit thing.

The other day, I bit the bullet and bought an Aquazinger. I have been using it for a couple days, and yes my water intake is sooooo much better. My problem? The watered down taste, just as I suspected. 

For now, I am adding a little sugar and loving it. My goal is to be sugar free by the time Summer comes.

So far I have only used clementines and I do have a grapefruit to use.  What fruit combos are your favorites? And how do you adjust to the hint of flavor?