Saturday, April 13, 2013

My Heart Is Breaking... I Am So Angry And There Is Nothing I Can Do (Parenting Teens Is Hard)

My son is seeing some struggles lately. HUGE struggles! There is just so much crumbling around him and I want to make it all better. But I can't! And my heart is broken.

As I wrote about previously, my son has Asperger's Syndrome. We always thought this would be his "hurdle". So, we taught him to embrace it, to own it, to believe it does not have to be such a negative thing. And up until the past 2 years, his education and getting the educators to understand him has been the biggest part of any negativity.

High School has fucked with my child's head. Oh, I do not mean the school itself, although that is a huge problem that will be rectified soon.

I mean he is literally watching his Grandfather battle stage 4 lung cancer.  And school issues are the last thing he needs. However, the battles include

  • Teen angst
  • Hormones
  • No Self-Esteem at all
  • A child who feels like a ghost within the school's walls because very few will even talk to him
  • Lack of Acceptance for just how amazing he is
  • A Lack of connection on the peer level
  • "Friends" not living up to their end of the friendship
  • His very best friend blocked him from all levels of communication at the directive of a boyfriend
  • No confidence
  • Depression
  • Panic Attacks
  • Very likely agoraphobia

And this amazing kid, heartbreak after heartbreak, keeps trying! Trying to find people who will just fucking accept him!

Now, yes, he is a little awkward and a lot introverted and introspective. Yes, he has social anxiety. And yes, he dives right into a friendship a bit like one plunges into a pool from a high diving board. All in, laying himself bare, not an ounce of self preservation and trying so hard, so fucking HARD!

He is the one the girls go to when they have issues. He is the one who stays online with them telling them how much better they deserve. He gives love and caring and acceptance without judgement.

When the fuck is someone going appreciate all that HE deserves!

This young man embodies empathy and understanding. Yet when someone discards that, he believes there is something wrong with HIM. How very wrong he is! He is deep, articulate, intelligent, and free with his love. No. There is nothing wrong with him. The wrongs are in a society, especially our youth who value popularity and image more than they do substance, which my son has in spades.

We talk of anti-bulling and acceptance, but these are not taught at home.  They are lectures and random mandates as the kids of today see them.  They have no meaning to our kids. As parents', I can only speak from what I have seen first-hand,  you have failed and failed miserably in this area. How is it that with all of the rhetoric thrown about that our young adults are filled with cruelty, judgement, and apathy? Hmmmm, could it be that they learn what they see?

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